The Joy of Rejecting, the Pain of Accepting

When I look back at my early childhood and teen years I realise so much of my identity was formed by rejecting other people or ways of living. I was taught what was normal and acceptable as well as what was strange and unacceptable. These distinctions were helpful in teaching me how our family and society functioned and how to stay safe in certain situations. These distinctions also had a shadow side which at times taught me to be in competition with others, strongly rejecting ways of being that did not run in line with my conditioning. There were people who took on an almost mythical form of the “enemy”. These Scape Goats could do nothing right and if they did it there was always something to patronise. 

I have been reflecting on these things because I have been disturbed (in a good way) this week by a seemingly innocuous piece of scripture from the Gospel of Luke (Luke 9.51-56). In this passage Jesus’ disciples go into a Samaritan village looking for a place to stay. The village rejects Jesus and his followers. The disciples are not thrilled with this outcome and ask Jesus whether they should command fire to come down from the sky and consume the village. Jesus rebukes them for this suggestion and simply states that they will find another village. Not only does he refuse revenge, Jesus uses the community that rejected him as an example for his own followers through the story of the Good Samaritan. 

We are often encouraged to build our identity by contrasting against those our family or society rejects. This is mimicked in religion when we are taught that certain ways of living are divinely rejected. To be a good disciplined Christian means to know what we should not be doing and to make sure others know this also. The time has long past for this thinking to be put aside.

There is nothing disciplined about rejecting.

 Rejection is a very simplistic way of forming our identities. We can feel sure about who we are, how good we are, by rejecting things in other people that we do not associate as “normal” ourselves. There is a sense in which we want to be offended by difference. It may seem from the outside that we want to bring people into a more “right” way of being which just so happens to be more like the norms that we have been conditioned to accept. In truth, it is just easier for us this way. We do not have to face the idea that we are not perfect, that we may have been wrong to reject in the first place. It has become clear, when talking about the great acceptance that Jesus shows in this passage, that some simply do not want to be free to accept and love. Even the most eloquent theology and convincing scriptural study that demonstrates God does not reject because of sexuality, race, etc., is not enough at times. Why on earth would we want to hold on to rejection when we do not have to? 

I was recently talking to someone who explained his offence toward transgender people in these terms; If someone has transitioned then they have gone against my Gods creation, offending Him (sic), therefore I am offended on behalf of my God.

Without going into the many sociological, biological, and ontological issues with this statement, the question that comes to mind is what kind of God is this? How do we reconcile a God that takes offence in a similar manner to an emotionally immature child, to the God we see in Jesus that loves even communities that clearly reject him?

I do not believe it is reconcilable for one plain reason; 

There is nothing spiritual or religious about rejecting someone in this way. It is a defence mechanism to save us from the fracture in our identity that would be caused by confronting our own bias. To exclude and reject is a form of Hedonism. We use our power to reject and exclude other people or the way they live their lives to gain cheap pleasure and comfort. This is a self indulgent exercise, no matter how natural it may seem.

The flip side of this issue is to accept that which we have been taught to reject means a disciplined and deep listening. This listening to the other in turn requires us to question ourselves and challenge our prejudice. This is not easy work but the spiritual life was not meant to be easy. 

It can take years, lifetimes, to even scratch the surface of our social conditioning in order to access the deep spiritual well Jesus has to offer.

The challenge for some, especially the rejected, is understanding that the path of acceptance is long and difficult. There is nothing to be gained by labelling those who have not travelled as much of this road as bigot or ignorant. There is a major danger in using acceptance as a way to virtue signal or become self absorbed. To be complete honest, there have been times when I have found myself caught up in an issue not because I am actually focused on bringing justice or acceptance, but because of what it says about my identity. When this is the case we find ourselves using the same kind of defence mechanism as rejection, it simply has a different mask. This can lead to neglecting our families, creating division where it is not required, and demanding God be seen only in the image we have created.

The life of Jesus teaches us that we live in a messy world. To follow the message of Christ does not mean rejecting the things that we may understand as messy, but learning to accept this reality and challenge ourselves to create joy and love within the mess. Authenticity is so incredibly important in the spiritual and religious life. Authenticity is more than mere honesty, authenticity demands vulnerability. Authenticity is when we can be honest about our own prejudices, not only to others, but also to ourselves and offer our truth even in the face of rejection. 

Don't get me wrong, this is not a teaching in support of being a relativist. There are things that should not be tolerated; abuse, exploitation, discrimination, to name a few. When we see these things taking place we should call them out but we should do this in ways that are authentic and not focused on building our own identities. Christ spent a lot of time calling out hypocrisy and abuse. He also dedicated a lot of time to accepting those who were rejected. When given the opportunity for these acts to elevate his own identity, Jesus does not accept being called good (Mark 10.17-31). There was nothing false in his humility, Jesus’ acceptance led him to the cross. 

Spiritual discipline is deeply freeing and joyful. To be disciplined means letting go of the judgements we have about sexuality, race, creed, or politic. It means to joyfully dance in the mess welcoming others do dance with us, looking beyond our conditioning to find the truth dwelling richly in each person. I seems like a paradox to call this the more painful path but Christianity is full of paradox. It brings us easy joy to reject but we are not looking for cheap thrills. 

The disciples from Luke’ Gospel came to a fork in the road of their spiritual journey. We come to that same place and are faced with a choice.

We can choose to take the wide road. This road is filled with judgement and joyous rejection. It is an easy road but it's joys are hedonistic and soon give way to callousness and restriction. This is not a road filled with the spirit of Christ. 

Christ invites us to be courageous and choose the narrow road. The road that is long and filled with questions and uncomfortable embraces. A road that is painful but only because we are forced to accept and love more. This road is ultimately freeing and full of joy. 

Rev Claye